Sunday, September 9, 2012

Priority: The Most Important Concept in the World

As we geared up for another school year, I had the annual talk with each of my daughters about her goals for the year.

About halfway into the conversation, Chaos said something that made me stop and think. She said, "'Priorities' is a pretty important word, huh?"

I'd never really expressed it that way. I'd thought in terms of the priorities themselves and the goals to which they related.

But, yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize I think 'Priority' is the most important concept in the world. More than any other factor, a person's priorities define that person's life. Once the priorities are established, it becomes a pretty straightforward matter to define goals in keeping with those priorities. One of the most important characteristics of priorities is that they are subject to change. As new priorities are defined, they need to be assessed in relation to the existing ones, and some old ones may need to be shelved, at least temporarily, to make room for the new ones.

Of course, when an individual fails to prioritize effectively, life will define the priorities, making that person a passenger in his or her own life.

The goals, too, need to be reasonable.

Most of life's biggest disappointments stem from poorly defined priorities and unreasonable goals.

A person can dream of being a singer with a #1 record. But that would be, at best, a hope. Not a goal. There are too many factors external to that person, things he or she can't control, that will determine whether that #1 record ever comes to be. But there are factors within that dream that can be established as reasonable goals:

1) I will take the necessary steps to ensure I have food and shelter while pursuing my goals.
      a) I will prepare for a job as a/an whatever.
      b) When I am done preparing, I will take a job as a/an whatever.
2) I will learn to sing well.
3) I will seek out and make use of opportunities to build a fan base and make music-industry contacts.
4) I will sing the kinds of songs large numbers of people want to buy, keeping in mind:
     a) that may not be what I consider to be the most worthy music; and
     b) tastes change, over time, so what's hot now may not be in another year's time.
5) I will take steps to prepare myself mentally and emotionally to deal effectively with these scenarios, should they come to pass:
     a) the luck factor necessary to achieve #1 just doesn't happen for me; or
     b) lightning strikes and I hit #1, which might mean:
         1) I and my songs may be treated as commodities and I may have little privacy; and
         2) there's a lot of pressure in being at #1 because, having been there, it stings to be #2... or #2000.

Someone who does all those things may be VERY fortunate and get a #1 record and be happy. Great.

Having begun such a list, though, a person may decide having a #1 record really wouldn't be that great, after all.

Maybe there will be a reprioritization and an adjustment of goals. Maybe #3 becomes:

3) I will sing the kinds of songs that make me feel most alive, keeping in mind:
     a) that may not be the kind of music large numbers of people want to buy; and
     b) my own taste may change, over time, and, if I have fans, I'll need to choose between:
             1) singing what makes me happy, which could mean losing fans; or
             2) keeping fans happy by singing the songs they love, even if I don't love them anymore.

I'll stop there because this could go on and on.

The point is, once a person stops and really thinks about what it is he or she most wants, it often turns out to be something else entirely.

It's a difficult balance to try to find, as a mother, helping a child keep his or her dreams alive while also providing much-needed doses of reality.

If I were allowed only one gift to each of my children, it would be the ability to set reasonable priority-based goals.

If I can give them that, they will own their lives, and they will create their own gifts.